An AnGeL In Tha NiGht

2005-10-28T17:04:00.000+08:00

Sumthing i cut-out from ma very very old blog... It was abt last 5 years ago... sorry for the stupid english.. HAHA..

I know everyone is excitied abt the raye.. But as for me it's not..

As for Hari Raye, everyone is happy with their own family and everything.. Semaggat do tha cleaning and buying stuff at gelyang.. As for me, its nothing.. Reminds me of ma late mum.. Reminds me how lonely I am.. I'm not even close with ma late mum's side of the family... Tak habis kutok2 me.. looking down at me.. I hate them alot!!! They keep comparing me to their children!! I hate it!! They dunno tat it affects ma life alot.. That's why i have so low self-esteam in maself.. I love being with ma friends and ma bf if i im attached.. Now of coz larh HIM!! I feel being loved and being wanted by someone.. I dun tend to feel lonely.. That's why i really cherish tha relationship i have with HIM.. And that's why i need him so much.. It's difficult to live alone as the only woman in tha house.. It's difficult living without a mum..

Cherish yr mum PEOPLE!! Plz... I'm suffering so much without one right now... GOSH!! I'm crying as im typing this... I get jealous seeing u people happily with yr family.. Shopping.. Pakai sepasang.. Tha whole family wearing tha same colour.. I never experinced that before.. Maybe to some people its merepek but thats something i always wanted.. I always wanted to feel the joy having a family... Buat kuih.. Semua.. I dun think u can ever understand how i feel.. Thats why whenever u talk to me abt raye.. i always kept quiet.. Coz I feel so left-out... Thats why i hate going geylang.. I tend not to buy anything jus go there and jalan2.. =(

Think abt the day when u shouted at yr mum.. Or jus feel that yr family doesn't care.. What abt the day when yr family is busy preparing of the occasion but ur jus outside spending time with ur friends instead.. Recall all those moments... Are they jus being irritating or is it jus becoz they care too much and u jus dun realise it...?

Think abt it...

Im here jus expressing how i feel... Nothing to pin-point u guys...

Selamat Hari Raye Everyone...

2005-09-13T15:05:00.000+08:00

Look who is born on the 9th September 2005...

A version of ma daddy's mini-me...

Still thinking of a name for this precious... Haizz...

2005-08-30T19:44:00.000+08:00

27 August 2005

Didn't have the time to put this up for you...

2005-08-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

Hey people... I need your help.. As u know or dun know.. I'm gonna have a baby brother due this coming mid-sept... Ma dad wants me to find a english name which sounds like a malay like.. Like mine ROZANA (haha old skool seh) and ma brother NORMAN.. sumthing like that lar kan..

Hope u guys can help me out yeah.. I've been cracking ma brains for the last few days and nothing came out... And guys must match with ma surname "Mah" example "Rozana Mah".. I think u guys get the picture.. Pls feel up ma tag board...!!

Thank you many many mass....!!!

2005-08-08T21:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Anniversary to Us

Its been 1 year and 2 mths we have been together.. Not counting tha month we were seperated... Ma feelings for u have grown so much and i never felt this way about u before.. Not till this far.. I think about u every min... Seeing u ride away after sending me to work makes ma heart break as i want to spent every min and moment with you...

As days pass by you look more cutier every min and i always have tha desire to jus eat you up like one cutie pie...

I know that i have done wrong things to you..
That can never be forgivin.. Or forgotten..
But you jus accepted me for who i am..
How miserable sumtimes u feel..
How low u stood down for me..
Jus to make me happy.. Jus to make my day..
This is nothing.. Words can only express what i feel..
Like they say.. Words can be nothing if actions are undone..
But i hope u realise what im doing now is everything for us..
Our future.. Our Marriage, maybe one day...

I love u..

My soulmate... Ikhwan..

Happy Anniversary my dear....

2005-07-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

THIS IS DEDICATED TO MA LOVE ONES, MA FRIENDS, MA SOULMATES...

P.S: THIS IS NOT PIN-POINTING TO ANYONE AT ALL.. JUS A BASIC SUMMARY OF EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN IN LIFE...

I wondered why do happy moments past by so quickly and bad moments dun.. As if tha time stopped for tha whole min while its only passing thru a second.. I know I've been MIA for tha past few months... I know I've not been contacting with ma close ones.. The ones i should say "Thank You", without u i will never be were i am now...

But it seems everyone has difted apart... We have our own friends... We found new friends, we jus moved on with life.. But that doesn't mean deserting what we have before... Maybe I jus dunno how to start a conversation upon seeing u for tha first time in such a long time.. Maybe I'm a snobbish, arrogant ass-hole you ppl may think i may be... I dun mind...

I get that alot...

Misunderstandings...

Backstabbings...

Jealously...

Envy...

LOOKING AROUND

Everytime I see my friends going thru their life.. Phrase after phrase.. Those who fell in love.. Those keeping their feelings so much to themselves to tha one they love... Those who started a new relationship.. Those who cant be bothered by anything except themselves... Those who fall in and out of relationships.. Those who have family issues that can't be settled.. Those who were heartbroken...

As i look upon them, they remind me so much of myself. What I've been thru in life and suffered alot... I owe all these to a beautiful lady in ma heart.. She will always be remembered, but i know we're not close anymore.. Without her i wouldn't be here...

Thank you...

LOVE

I fell in love so easily.. I dunno how many true loves i had... Countless of relationships.. Call me a bitch if u want.. But without all those heartbreaks and endless foolish romances, I wouldn't be as happy as i am now..

Every relationship ended was a lesson learnt.. I was taught what to do and what not to do during a relationship... And I thank all ma past-lovers for teaching me how to love, hate and stand up for ma own happiness without getting bullied or fooled... Not to give in or take too much... I thank you...

NOW

Without you, i wouldn't known this felle.. And without knowing u i wouldn't know another felle... etc2.. and tha lines keeps going on till i met Ikhwan...

Never would i know that i will even fall so deeply in love with you..

Never would i know that i will even cry a tear for you...

Never would i know that i will miss you without you by my side..

Never in ma whole life i would have known that I'm ready to call you my FUTURE...

After being back together again.. I learnt to appreciate what i have now then regretting when its gone..

I admit having crushes and contacting them behind yr back in tha begining of our entire relationship...

I admit ogling at guys when we walk down town..

Yes i do..

Yes I'm a bad person...

And yes I'm in tha wrong.. I used to be a bitch with guys around me all tha time..

Yes i admit i love tha attention i had...

Who doesn't?

But not anymore baby.. I've seen tha whole and tried countless of times.. Yes having a better built/looking guy will makes me all excited but its jus not everything.. Having sumone like you, having sumone who can love me tha way you do is one in a million...

No one can endure ma temper like u do... No one can endure ma craziness or ma horrible laughter like u do... No one kisses me so many times in a minute like u do.. No one brushes ma hair as i lay down to sleep as u do.. No one cry as much tears as u do... No one can change so much abt himself for me like you do jus to impress me...

Im trying my best to change.. I hope u can see tha changes in me, my dear..

I love u, and I mean it!!

2005-07-22T18:35:00.000+08:00

I jus got back from work.. Feeling really2 tried and so pissed off at what happend at work today...

There is this senior of mine who always picks on me.. Finds every single fault in me.. Every single thing i do is wrong... I really hate her.. Becoz of her, i almost wanted to walk off and quit a few times...

I have to tell u.. Ma workplace is so tha "COLOUR".. Like chinese one geng.. Malay and Indians one geng... Even ma big boss also treat us so differently.. If her same skin do a mistake, she will talk to her/him nicely.. If us.. Mampos kene maki atas bawa.. depan patient pun dia tak kisah... Thats what i hate abt ma workplace...

I love ma job.. I love tha responsibilities i have to take charge and tha things i do... So many things to do and tha time pass so fast... But why.. For goodness sake why lar.. Surely got sumthing wrong.. Things cannot be a perfect for me...

I can't stand the way they treat me and ma close colleages differently... I jus hate it... I think abt giving up every single day i step into that place and face those shitty ppl... But i have to keep ma promise to these three very important ppl in ma life...

Tha person who recommend me this job.. Ma mummy... And ma real dad... Ma dad really2 have high hopes on me... He really wants me to work in this line as he says working here tha prospects are gd.. Yah true.. But he dunno what i go through everyday working there...

Senang ckp.. tgk org sakit hari2.. Aku pun nak sakit...

And i miss ma baby.. Not meeting him today... =<

2005-07-20T19:46:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes i really dunno why im still with him.. I really hate him now.. Tha way he treats me.. Yeah sumtimes i do treat him unfairly... But all i want him is to pamper me... every after agrument..

But now all he does now is jus ignore me.. Seriosuly it really ticks me off... I hate him so much now.. What u jus have an operation i have to take in with all tha shity words u feel like saying to me.. What kind of a bf are u who makes yr very own gf feel so cheap.. What kind of a bf are u who even forget to call his very own gf when she is so worred abt yr condition.. WHAT KIND OF A BF ARE U!!

I sumtimes really wondered why i accept a bf like u with such a past... Its gd enought that i still wanna start all over again and try my best to forget.. But from tha way yr treating me.. U dun even seem to appreciate what I'm trying to do.. U even keep saying that i have alot of guy friends and blah blah blah..

Guys are so sickening sumtimes... I dunno why i even bother abt him...
Guys dun understand gals... And gals dun understand guys..

Thats why we're not like them.. They're really weird creatures...

It pains me sumtimes to see that tha man i feel in love with changed so much that sampai i dun even know why in hell did i patch up with him... Regrets are coming to ma mind.. From tha way he's treating me sumtimes really makes me wanna slap him and jus wish he's jus dead...

I thought he would make me believe and give me a reason why i should be with him and have a future with him... i thought things would be much more a better picture unlike before... But i guess EGO is his middle name...

2005-07-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

Well.. let me update abt what have been going on in ma life... Been missing in action these past few months...

Broken up with him as i wasn't sure of what i want in life... Yes even when I'm back with him now.. I'm still not sure of us in tha future.. But no one knows whats gonna happen later....

Well during tha break-up i had another relationship... Turns out he was a true jerk and all.. Everything happens for a reason i must say... Never met sumone who is such an ass-hole... He lied his way throughout tha entire relationship... I dumped him in tha end... Coz i know i was fooling around too...

Like they say what goes round comes around.. I used to lie my way out too when i was with him... Well, no matter how much i try to forget him and even called him up jus to pick up a fight, to make myself hate him more... To make myself forget him...

No matter what i did...

I admit i miss him..

We started dating and going out... I miss him... So shy on our first date.. Got so drunk that we kissed passionally that day... Was caught by "Opps u know who" Everyone thought we're back together.. But we're jus dating...

He hang out with his friends and so did i... Jealously grew as btwn us.. But neither would say a thing... Anger started to built btwn us... Argruments leads to slaps and punches... And ended up crying and hugging each other...

Thats how we got back together...

Strange huh.. But so true.. Maybe he is my soulmate...

Who knoes...

2005-07-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

Another day.. Another moment... Everything has been done.. And now is tha time to start everything all over again.. Hope this will be tha right thing to do...

Ma blog is re-opened.. pls feel free to drop by...

2005-05-10T18:11:00.000+08:00

Apart from having ma period which makes me wanna cry in pain... I'm having leg cramps... Its sooo damm terrible... It hurts so bad... Yah what can i expect.. I nva run for a bloody damm long time not even to mention walking... From far east gi hereen jalan, kaki leh penat... Why was i running.. Well, after having dinner with tha "in laws" we went to town and meet tha "geng".

We were so bored so we decided to play "Ali-Pom" or whatever that game is called... I nva played that game before... Hahaha everyone was like hiding and running i was hiding at tha Sting Ray Stall smoking then i got "pommed" HAHAH run like hell to kick tha bottle but wasnt fast enough... It been such a long time since we played like kids... Yeah instead of continue celebrating our anniversary.. We celebrated by playing catching.. But it was fun.. Everyone was happy and all.. Its been along time since i saw everyone happy and laughing all tha way.. If not its jus going to town and jus hang out.. I see yr face u see mine...

Well I'm in so much pain now.. Going to tha toilet is like so difficult now... HAhha cant even sit without shouting in pain...

Two of ma part-timers quitted... Now we're lack of ppl... I have to work almost everyday.. Ma In-charge is posted to another store soon... Another person will take over his place.. And i heard he is quit strict.. I kinda having doubts abt this job, Ive been working there for almost 7 mths... I love ma colleagues.. I love ma boss.. But now he's posted to another place.. And sum of ma colleagues have quitted i really dunno... Last time i can jus take tha weekends off, now i even have to work on saturday n sunday...

I hope i can find another job soon... Maybe a part time admin or sumthing...

Oh yeah... On our anniversary.. "Sunday morning" we went to watch a mid-night movie.. With liyana, rendy and mb.. House of wax.. Its damm gruesome... And damm scary.. Penat!! cam u can't even get to rest after having a shock.. One after another.. Its a damm gd movie..!!

I miss alot of ppl... But i know im not gonna spend as much time with u guys already.. Work hard now... And i know i will not suffer in tha future...

2005-05-07T14:43:00.000+08:00

Ma love for u will nva fade even if we do in reality...

2005-04-25T19:35:00.000+08:00

Read her blog... I was speechless.. And till now.. I still dunno what is missing btwn us.. Are we fading away? Are we drifting apart from each other...? Or is it there are too many misunderstandings that we even dun dare to be too close anymore...? Or is it our other halves are related by blood that makes us uncomfortable...?

I miss you.. Alot... YES I'm admitting to u now... U know who u are.. I miss u... I miss tha late nights... U talking to me and smelling yr smelly pillow like a small child... U laughing at me whenever i dun get what tha heck are u trying to tell me... I miss tha times when we're always getting ready together almost half-naked in tha room... Me doing yr hair... And u commenting on what i should wear... U giving me advises whenever im heartbroken... Ma incoming and outgoing relationships... (cam starhub!!!) Whenever u caught me eating natela in tha middle of tha night... I jus miss everything...

Is it becoz of him... Is that the reason why we're becoming like this.. Or is it another reason that we ourselves jus dunno...

I'm still trying to find that answer...

I jus miss u.. I wanna tell u so much... But i jus dunno whether to start...

I jus miss u....

2005-04-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

I'm so addicted to this tamale song... I know this song has been playing for quite awhile.. i always thought lagu dia cam mepek.. Such a mat rep or mina would surely FOR SURE like this song...

But hhaha... i admit.. Its a catchy song after hearing it for abit... Now as im typing this entry im listening to it.. Oh gosh i'm missing tha old days... Where everyone went to hendriz as a group.. up to 15 ppl i guess... dulu tak ramai org sgt.. It was so fun.. drink till we get drunk.. we are always there at 9pm... Nak minum sampai mabok... Free flow mah... I miss all those times... With kak n abg... Celebrated so many occasions there... birthdays... Anniversary..

Tha place where i lost love and found love... ahhaah mepek kan.. in a CLUB!! Yah i always thought there is tha last place i would find sumone to be serious in a relationship.. But guess i met him there... First impressions btwn us were kinda bad.. Tha boy thought tha gal had too many bfz... Tha gf was turned off by sumthing... *dun wanna say it over here, btwn us*

But eventually we are still together till now.. Yes i admit.. I lost alot of loves ones and friends being with him... Sumtimes i wonder is it worth it.. What if his not tha one...??? Too many misunderstanding and gossips made ma circle of friends grew smaller and smaller...

Sacrifices he made is all to see.. but ma sacrifies is only for him to see.. Sumtimes i think he dun even realise that... What is this zana.. From tamale to this.. HAhahha

Im done...

TAMALE.. i like hahahah

Mb... when wanna go boggle2.... Now i know lagu ape tamale ni... hahah

2005-04-22T18:29:00.000+08:00

2005-04-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

As i was blog hopping ard... i saw selli's blog and realise her cat has passed on... It reminds me of ma own cat who passed on few yrs back...

Onal was its name.. Ma grandma named him.. i always thought it was a funny name for a cat... Ma grandma told me he had a brother Owal but he ran away... He was born in tha same yr as me... Same age as me.. We always celebrated our birthday together.. I will buy him sum special treats like a basket.. nice blankets for him to slp on.. Toys that made him so all crazy full of life... Running here and there... But he is one weird kitty... He has a blanky... Yes.. He couldn't sleep without it.. He will wrap his blanky ard himself... *dunno how tha heck he does it* He will lay down.. And bite tha corner of tha blanky like a baby drinking his milk and fall asleep with tha blanky in its mouth...

*Memories* ...

He became old... I was 15 so was he.. For a cat thats very old.. He became blind.. Banging onto walls and tables... He started sleeping in tha toilet for no reason.. He didnt wanted his blanky no more... It became so weak.. he passed away in his sleep.. I was at sch then.. When i came home he was no more there... I asked ma grandma where was he.. She said he passed on and she threw him away in a dumpster... I was so mad... She threw him as if he was trash.. She could jus bury him sumwhere...

I miss Onal...

2005-04-13T13:59:00.000+08:00

Hey there.... Its been a very long time since i updated this shit.... Well I've nva been home since tha day of what had happened... I dun wanna say anything abt that day coz ppl may blog-hop and talked abt it.... I stayed at rendy's house for almost a week... Auntie and Uncle were so kind and nice to me and wan... I really wanna thank them for everything... Their hospitallity.. Their kindness.. Their concern.. THank u

WEll there isnt anything much to say... Nothing new to anouce... or to post...

AND I WENT SHOPPING AT LAST...!!!

Hahha

p.s: mizie sorry kalau i kasi balik digi cam lambat... i nva had tha time to use it... Dun worry i will give it back to u when im done with it... thank care sweetie...!!!!

2005-03-23T19:30:00.000+08:00

haizz... so many drama... Read ma mami's blog... so much drama seh.. like world war II... Fire in tha hole... Bomb there and here... Pening aku tgk!! Cant imagine if I'm in her situation...

I have to admit she is a very strong lady... If me i dah breakdown dunno what to do.. But she jus stands there so strong and still.. Stupid jerk, of all tha time in tha whole world he has to bother her at this moment... Where she n dadi and is already enjoyin tha moment of being engage and working hard for tha marriage... Sumtimes these kind of losers are really shouldn't be living.. Luckily sini Singapore kalau other country i think he is already SHOT DEAD!!!

Mami's stressed up i think... Huhu i think u guys must be wondering why im calling her mami and him dadi huh? Well there are things that we clarified that really touched ma heart, i think i should address them as mami n dadi in ma blog.. tak kan face to face kan.. Ppl will say cam dorg dah tua... hahah and they cannot accept me saying tha MAGIC NUMBER!!!

It really pissed me off sumtimes.. why is it always when we really love sumone.. they cheat on us and do stupid things that really pisses us off.. then part tha relationship is over... We moved on.. "THAT PAINFUL FORGETTING MOMENT" where everywhere and everything seems to remind us of them... Well as time goes by.. things started to be better and happier.. We meet new ppl and fallin in love again...

When everything is getting better for us... Tha stupid jerk or moron from no where "POPs" outta no where.. Claiming that they can't find themselves without u lar.. they miss u lar.. all those stupid "wanting u back lines" Cannot sleep without u lar.. cam desperate nak mampos... Seriously seh tha way they say it, its like so simple like dorg buat salah cam tak pape gitu... They can act as if nothing happen.. I think they can win tha "Grammy's" for their "SO AMAZIN ACTING" with their puppy eyes and crocodile tears... Well since they are animals who lives in tha zoo of coz they picked up sum skills from their animal friends...!!! Nasib tak tingal pat bikin bottom who knows what they can come up with!!!

Well of coz for sum ppl.. they tend to be convience in these "actings" and give them a second chance... Well we as humans tend to be forgiving and not heartless, we take them back... Well sum of these actors.. they really change.. Thats why there is always a 2nd chance to almost everything...

But sum morons even when they are given tha 2nd chance they tend to think that we are depending on them to give us happiness.. so they jus enjoy their lifes, flirt there and here.. And us tha FOOLz!!! Tunggu kan dorg call cam buah tak jatoh..!! Cam ne nak jatoh dah termasok LOBANG!!!

Well all im saying is... Sumtimes these kinda things do happen in yr life... Im not saying all guys are jerkz... well ppl do make mistakes, but if u wanna give them a 2nd chance its really depending to u to give it or not... U can judge them better than anyone esle, since korg pernah ade relationship.. Yes ppl gives u advise "do this" "do that" but jus listen to them... Dun really do what they say coz u control yr own life.. U make that own decision on tha advises u got from yr friends and love ones... Coz even if u really totally listen to what they say.. If u regret sumhow.. U cant blame them.. U could only blame yrself...

HArhar.. i think this is a meaningful entry i ever did... WEll till ma next entry...

2005-03-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

well this is ma new layout... spent almost like 3-4 hrs on it.. simple... No picz to use so i jus had to use whatever is in ma com... Mizie i wanna borrow yr cam...!!! this coming sat arh.. jgn luper!!!

Have been hearing lots of indon songs lately.. i dun understand what tha heck they are singing.. but its nice.. hahah Yan fang yan fang...

Many things have been happening.. feeling disappointed in sum ppl.. Cleared things out sum issues btwn me and that sumone.. it felt great.. I jus love u guys...

This whole week im not working.. i dunno why, ma boss tak kasi i kerje.. i think he dun likes me anymore.. Arhhhhh!!! Maybe i did sumthing wrong that i didnt know off... Nah whatever.. Im so bored... Waitin for ma stupid pay.. Then finally SHOPPING!!! He agrees that i can go shopping since i havent been doing that for tha past 3 months due to sum problems... I have sum places in mind where i really can get bargains!!! Im feeling very teeyin... HAHHAHA in a term as i wanna buy lots of tees... Like nak pakai tee jek dun wanna wear any sleevless tops or tubes.. jus tee.. CUTE TEEs...!!!

Gosh.. im totally broke... Bagus arh tu.. dah tak kerje takde duit.. time tgh kerje nak gi shopping pun takleh.. ape CKP ni.. haiyah...

I miss ma fwends as usual... Feeling very Hmmm.. Emoish.. HAhhaha

2005-03-19T12:29:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i updated this blog... Well where should i start.. I have been working almost 9am to 10pm almost everyday this past week.. Feeling damm tired and weak... Alot of things cock up at work.. i sumtimes even have to come down to work when im on tha way home... At last tha weekends are here.. i finally can really rest abit and have fun with ma fwends...

Well im missing sumone alot.. really alot.. I really didnt know this person will effect ma life alot.. I really want to call this person but i didn't as im jus too scared.. I dun wanna hurt this person again... Coz everytime this started it tend to started off with me... Jus wanna give time and space for that person to think abt what he/she wants... But i have been giving encouragement.. Nv give up....

2005-03-12T03:36:00.000+08:00

Another sleepness night for me... too many things going on in ma mind... Im so confuesd... He's already sound asleep like a snoring Pig..ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's another saturday today.. I guess every saturday is always tha same.. Going to town.. then sleeping over at a fwend's place... or either chilling sumwhere till tha wee hours of tha morning.. Im getting sick and tired of everything sumhow...

Was reading thru tha papers... There is this IT convention at SUntec... Maybe me and him wanna by a digi cam.. Its kinda cheap at tha convention.. But seriously i know nothing abt digi cams... He wants to buy an mp3 player to keep him company when he's working.. He suggested if we could take out sum of our savings to buy tha cam and his mp3... Well i dun think so.. That saving was for us.. Our future.. i dun want to spent on sumthing that we use only like for awhile then dumped it aside...

Im not feeling maself lately...

Sumtimes i jus hate life itself, but i have to go on coz this is LIFE...

Im feeling so miserable inside...

I dun think he knows how much pain im in now..

He can't do anything.. all he can is to comfort me... There is nothing much he can do..

But thank you...

WEll back to ma sleepless night with nothing to do but to stare at tha screen and come up with sumthing to do...

I wanna play sims... Any one got any other edition of it.. other than HOT DATE...

2005-03-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

dah lame tak update this blog of mine...

Hmmm where should i start... today is a boring day for me.. Im sick.. Down with flu, cough and fever... Im feeling so weak... I think i got sick from tha overnight at rendy's family chalet.. I was there with him, kakak, abg, pichan, nadia, rendy, liyana, coco, romano and sum others i tak kenal.. I and kakak talked till tha wee hours of tha morning it was great.. Drinking and eating.. Smoking to make all tha stupid mosqitoes from not coming near us.. tha cockroaches are like so many!! If we step on one roach dpt like 10 cents.. i think we can get abt 3 dollars or 4 asal there were like too many of them seh...

I qurralled with him last night.. We cried and hugged each other.. I think we still can't get over wat we did to each other in tha past.. but we still love each other very much.. I think we're stressed out over tha finance issue and our future... THanks kakak for all yr advises seriously without u, i think i will have a huge nervous breakdown seh...

Tml is our 10 mth anniversary... Thats a long time already since i had such a long relatioship.. And im glad that i met him... Even though u really get on ma nerves sometimes but what can i say.. I love u..

Im feeling so weak and tired... I hate being sick... I hate it...

I miss ma friends... They are not feeling themselves this few days i dunno why...

But i jus miss u...

2005-03-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

well this is ma new layout.. spent tha whole day doing it... but like still tak puas hati.. well everything is always missing for me...

I decided not to call maself a "princxess" anymore.. har har.. Kinda sick and tired of it... Im so bored at home... Wish i could go out and jus shop till i drop.. But no money *haiz*

Ma dad came back from china last monday.. He bought me a jacket/coat like i always wanted.. Sum jeans but i cant fit into them... Their biggest size is 29 which was what ma dad bought for me.. But im a 32.. Oh gosh i better lose sum weight.. Ma dad scolded me for being a lazy bum.. ade gym pat bawa bukan nak excerise... haiyah..

Im jus plain lazy...

Haiyah tml im working full-shift.. 9am to 10pm.. But what tha heck its all about tha money i will get... I think i should get another job... Then after work tml.. Its party time!!! Wanna enjoy with him, kakak and abg.. Gosh i miss them...

Its been three days i've never met mb, yun and fara.. Pareez tu.. Where are u dah lame tak jumpe kamu... I miss u guys seh.. hahah Kalau boleh i wanna live under ta same roof as u guys and play tha "malayu poker" everyday...

2005-02-24T14:19:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh.... Im feeling so bad... So So SO terrible.... I didn't even get to say gd bye to her.... I remembered she telling me she is leaving wednesday evening... I wasn't online for tha past few days coz ma hard drive is spolit... I left her a gd bye msg on tuesday evening.. And found out she has already left...

Oh gosh she must have felt so sad... Maybe she thought that i dun even remember she is leaving... I remembered but i didn't knew that she was leaving on tuesday instead of wednesday.. I even wanted to have lunch with her on tha wednesday afternoon before she left.. jus tha both of us...

I didn't mean to forget.. I really did remember or i wouldn't send a msg at tha first place and realise that you already left... Take care...

2005-02-18T14:37:00.000+08:00

first thing first... I jus love ma blog alot... Found tha background pic on tha net sumwhere and edited sum of it... I am so pleased with it... Then kakak smsed me last night saying that mine and hers look alike.. I went to take a look and *oh Ma GoSh* she was right... Ours look alike...!!! But except for tha colours and butterflies... Yew!! i hate butterflies...!!!

Nvm lar kak, i apologise if mine is tha same like yours... We both put in alot of effort in our blog individually.... Kan cool.. we think alike *sikit sikit*

I jus love it.. Im loving it!!!

I think ma tag board server is down again... I hate it...

Siape ade digi cam... can u be so kind to lend me for a few days... =>

2005-02-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

hey hey!!! didn't update this blog of mine... Jus wanna wish u guys a Happy Belated Valentines...
Didn't get to celebrate coz i was working night shift... DAMM...!!! But its valentines to me everyday with him... There were no gifts from him or anything coz he really didn't know what to get for me and i kept insisting not to get any... To me jus being with him and him being there for me whenever i need him is already a gift...

Well he had a lil incident.. He planned to take me home and cook up a special meal for me.. TOm yam of coz.. *Yummy* but ended up being poked a few inches no NOT inches millimeters away from his eyes... HIS EYE LID in fact by a knife!!! Luckily worst didn't happend!!! Well i was at work and suddenly hours before i finished he came by with his eyes kinda swollen... He told me that he got poked by a knife... there was this rack where he puts tha folks and spoons were above tha rubbish bin... he was bending down to take out tha thrash then tha butter knife which was in tha rack poked in at his eye lid... I was so shoked... thank goodness it didn't poked his eye... I was in a state of shock and panic at tha moment... But he got a good scolding from me for being so careless...

But thinking back now.. It wasn't yr fault baby... Yr jus being sweet to cook dinner for me...

I love u so much that i can't describe how i feel...
You make me blush and angry at tha same time...
Your lil suprises and smile simply blew me away...
Being with you and having u in ma life is a gift...
A gift so strong and unbelievable that i can't even find...
Im so glad u came to me..
Im so glad that even i did wrong to u..
You still stood by my side...
I dun believe in forever..
Till u came into ma life..

All i can say is thank u and i love u..

Happy belated valentines to all....

2005-02-02T13:48:00.000+08:00

Well i've got ma pay!! Gave sum money to wan as he's run outta cash... I've put sum money away for savings... Well counting back everything... I dun have enough money for shopping cause i need to buy some chinese new yr things for ma dad and chinese grandma...

Haiyah its fun to celebrate two occasions.. even three... Chinese New Yr, Raye and even chrismas.. Its fun having parents both from different religion and race.. But sumtimes kinda complicated... And sickening too.. Ppl who claim to be ma friends may tease me but going overboard when saying "alah kau cine mane kau tau ni semua.. or like kau mane tau ugame ni semua" Excuse me.. im not trying to brag or anything but tha way u say its so insulting... I was brought up in a muslim way, ngaji and i read up to tha "Qur-an" jus that i have not completed it... I can jus punch yr face when you guys say like that to me... (siape makan chilli rase pedas)

Yah i took mandrin for ma 2nd language... So of course need not to say that most malay words i may not know.. thats ok lar.. u guys sumthimes bodoh2 kan me and stuff which is kinda funny, i also dun mind... but pls.. now everything is confessed over here... Dun insult me without knowing...

Tgk arh.. aku start with another topic in tha end became another topic...

*Sorry i pakai shades tak nampak!!*

I and fara became closer now.. Even though all these months we have known each other we nva had a chat before.. Since i became closer to kakak i also became closer to fara too.. knowing u was fun.. all tha gossips we have and jokes we share.. all tha sad stories abt friendship.. That was nice...!! Its shopping time GF!!!

2005-01-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

well this is ma new layout... i kinda like it and dun like it at tha same time though.. ma bro say its nice.. like very dark kinda feeling with tha song....

well comment abt this layout pls.. tell me how u feel abt this crappy layout..

P.S: kitkat... biler nak lend digi cam.. aiyoh!! lame gue tunggu...

2005-01-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

Well well... hey there... Hmm nothing much to say abt today or yesterday... But tha weekend was great!!!

Last saturday i didn't went to paradigm coz they say dah full house.. no more ticx... luckily belum kluar umah.... So we went to wan's brother-in-law surprise bday party instead.... So cock-up sia... His cousins were all there... We hid inside tha room... but we dunno when to come out and surprise him... HAhaha like so stupid.. we dun even know where he was sitting... we gamble aje.. we dashed out of tha room with tha party-poppers in our handz... *POP* *POP*, sing tha birthday song and wished him happy bday... then everyone picked up tha mess... really seh.. cam budak bodoh.. har har...!!! Wan and i chill over there for awhile then hafiz, mas hindra and sum of their fwends came along.. they were late!! We wanted to leave but since hafiz aru sampai we stayed awhile more...

So after abt an hour or so.. we went straight to yp to meet tha others... We found out that "trivalation" won an award... entah ape award entah.. all i know is that they were telling me this and that making me all so jealous... Shafiq said he saw me but i didn't, over at tha msn.. Well dude.. sorry lar.. gue potek sikit... Wan showed everyone tha sticker he have done and it was tha opening ceremony right on tha point... since we only have done only two sticker.. one is for ma helmet another we gave coco coz he was tha one who design it.. but cock-up again.. Since ta sticker is a circle shaped it makes it hard to stick it.. ade air bubbles!! luckily fir tolong tampal kan... entah ape dia buat dgn lighter... burn abit.. stick abit.. then dah woala!!!

Headed to sempang bedok after that... talked more crap.. and laughters.. Love u guys to bitz... And liyana and me found out tha guys always complain when we gossip cam takde kerje nak buat.. but klaau dah start dorg gossip "oh ma gosh" lagi burok!!! Well abt one plus or two i think we headed home...

Well, on sunday lak.. its rearranging ma room time.. coz ma dad wants to put a computer in ma room but there was no space.. i was of course damm happy like hell.. thinking that i dun have to fight with ma bro other tha com as his com is in his room.. then ma happiness turnes to saddness coz i found out that ma com doesnt have internet access unless i have a router.. kau if like this then wat for have computer seh!!!! well as i thought back.. ma bro cam install some games in ma com like "tha sims" im so addicted to them...!!! and i can play ma own songs in there.... ok lar..

then went to tunnel at night.. it was tha night for rendy!!! it was tha finals for tha jim beam dance competition.. yes of coz he won...!!! we were shouting and screaming for him...!!! Congrats ma man.. LOVE YA!! you deserve it!!!

well i guess thats it... penat aku type.. k lar tata!!!

2005-01-20T02:48:00.000+08:00

Im so scared... scared of tha changes happening to me... I'm so scared what will become of ma future... in tha later days.. only tomorrow i will know.. maybe not.. maybe they didn't expect anything wrong but it turns out to be sumthing "huge"in tha end..!!!

Im so scared i dunno who i can turn to.. Even if i tell wan he only can say "what can i do... But i will stand by yr side".. i know he can't help me much.. Im in delimma... I turned to tha only person who i can really trust and love.. She advise me to go.. Im going tomorrow morning... Tha first thing i will do tomorrow... Thanks for tha advise, u know who u are...

I dunno.. I hope its jus nothing...

I really hope so..

I'll pray..

For tha first time i prayed for maself unless i prayed for ma late mum...

I love you guys..

Wish me luck..

Pls dun ask me any question abt this entry...

I jus need to let ma feelings out.. at this point of time..

Hours till i know tha "truth"

Wish me luck.. ma love ones...

Zoo OUT!!!

2005-01-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

Well... i kinda jus woke up... so tired after a day of fun.. gossip.. and so much more....!!!!

Yesterday... Ma geng, Wan, Rendy, Liyana, Pd, Mb, Romano, Kakak Kuz and Abg Kuz went to tha zoo... Sponsered by our man Sesth and aiyah whats tha name arh.. Boritos or Doritos.. Luper lar...

All i can say was fun2... I was running up and about like a crazy retarded idiot... Butterflies..!! EEEE how much i hate them.. Of coz... Ma geng was enjoying every moment of it!! Laughing away.. Walk here and there.. Penat siak!!! Smelling all those poo whoa!! "Bau cam rojak MAMa!!" As what pd commented... Aiyoh how can compare seh.. tha smell was like so strong like its a needle poking up yr nose...!!!

Different types of Monkeys to Lions to Pengiuns to Sealions to snakes.. I learnt sumthing over there... I know what a Dugong actually is!!! And monkeys are so much alike as humans... *no offence* I think we were tha loudest group over there... Every comment started with a "sial arh!!" Pd actally touched a phython he was so scared like a gal.. heheh... Rendy and liyana took a pic with it.. 12 buckz expensive sia.. but it was all memorable...!!

Kakak cuci mate... Mcm per balls and penises she saw... commenting everyone of it... AHHAHAH... Org tgk binatang.. ni tgk batang!! HAHAHAH.. especially tha baboon.. Oh ma gosh, their ass.. eeee so disgusting!!!! like swollen and they sit on tha butt like a red big pillow... Watched tha water show.. sealions are so smart and cute.. Rendy got a kiss!! Habis liyana jealous rendy ade gf baru!!!

Of all tha animals we have seen.. tha most longest time we spent was looking at a fish!!!! But this fish is damm fucking big sia.. Wan was like saying there is this pond where has fishes which are very very HUGE... when it comes out it makes a big splash like "whosh!!" We, of coz wanted to see it.. went all tha way up ta hill and found tha pond.. we couldnt see anything tha water was mulky and everything.. Romano was like walking along tha pond then suddenly tha fish jumped at him.. Everyone was like screaming and shocked...!!! Rendy didnt saw it, he tried to use sticks, stones throwing at tha water wishing that tha fish would actually come up again.. But it didn't.. A spider crawled up to liyana ketiak.. She was screaming and shaking like doing tha booty shakin.. Everyone had a great laugh!!!

When to sit sumwhere at a shelter... Kakak and i sat and talk like we never met for 10 yrs.. Abg was taking picz and video cam... We were so thirsty and all.. I dial-a-coke... Hehhehe.. Semua cam jakon nak mampos.. Me of coz...!!!

Headed to town with kakak and abg while tha others took tha train.. Ate our dinner and gossip all tha way till tha wee hours of tha morning... Catching up tha old times we used to have.. It was so fun... Really love you...

Without u and yr sources, we wouldn't have this much fun.. how much i love u... u can nv know how much i feel for u!! - Wan

Had so much fun with you guys at tha zoo!!! Love ya guys!!! - Everyone

Had fun gossiping2... HAHAHAH love ya!!! - Fara & Kakak

Click here for Pic

2005-01-12T02:14:00.000+08:00

Shit!!! sumthing is wrong with ma tagboard... Damm.. hate when that happens...

Haiz... I think i really need to find another part-time job or jus quit this job and find a full-time job instead.. I dunno, i'm really confused... I like this job so much but there is no place for me if i wanna convert full-time... Haiz...

Money, Problem.. Sumtimes yeah!! Ppl always say that money is not everything.. But when u dun have money and have so much problems involving money.. It leads to fights and arguments.. Its true.. From tha way im brought up.. Yah money is important and a need... We need money to survive in this world..

How much i and wan tried to save and scrap lil money at a time.. No shopping.. We dun even enjoy tat much anymore... Like once awhile.. Still problems... No savings..

Haiz... Im damm so fed up, sick and tired of this... Ma pay always salah kire.. Wan's pay is always delayed... This is life lar... But im really considering having another job or jus quitting this one.. I really need to save up.. if we continue being like this.. there is no start..

2005-01-11T02:11:00.000+08:00

Hai!!! Dah lame tak update.. Also dunno what to right... Kinda pissed off arh... Psl kan... That time rendy kene taik burung... Wan n me checked tha time and decided to buy 4D using that number... But we forgot to buy.. It came 2nd Prize and tha following week 1st prize!!! *DAMM IT right????*

Then recently at rendy't place... Buza lak kene taik burung in tha middle of tha night when birds are suppose asleep.. *Funny kan* Wan checked tha time and this time.. we all cam semagat nak beli tu number... We bought it under tha 24 hrs time like you know 10pm is 22oo.. *get tha pic*

Tha next day.. Sebelum kite nak check to number.. Terjumpe tu SECURITY.. I, buza, mb dgn kitkat tgh step skimmers arh... running here and there on tha road.. konon nak tangkap wave arh... Sekali when we were running towards tha traffic lights.. ternampak dia.. Teros semua tak kene gaye siak.. KAKAK, u should be there seh.. I think he misses u.. he looked so lost like a lost PIG!!! *hahah* I think psl jumpe dia arh *suey* kan... we checked.... it was THA EXACT SAME TIME!!!! Like we bought!!! but it was under 12hrs... Like example arh... (we bought 2200[24hrs] but kluar 1000 [12hrs]) Korg paham ape aku tgh berbual ni...

Of course im not gonna tell you guys what tha number is..

i also dunno why this entry of mine is so malayish!! jus pissed off.. Har har can't get over it...!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2005-01-05T02:02:00.000+08:00

Well jus who i met at work...

HAHAHAH.. guess i was too excited that i didn't even open ma eyes for tha picture... Damm should have make ma hair lawa2 then make up abit... *hahahha*

Guess seeing him on tv and face to face in tha past when he wasn't tha "singapore idol" wasn't that exciting... Even as i watch him in TV now i felt nothing like "nah, he used to be like us".. But when i saw him jus now *alamak* DUNNO WHY sia!!! i started to shiver cam MINA KENTAL like wan said... hahahah *pssst.. guess his jealous* entah lar tha feeling is jus different... Thinking abt i may have acted abit stupid... HAHAH dgn ma headband, no-makeup and uniform.. *YaALLAH* Spoilt tha moment man... What tha heck...!!

Dah lar wan... i love only ya...

tha new year

2005-01-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

Well, its already 2005... Jus wanna say this..

I love u guys... I love you guys so much... You people are tha ones who cried with me and laugh with me... you guys are ma only true friends..... u all complete ma life.. thank you

Kitkat
Mb
Buza

- u will always be ma adek, sorry for everything i did wrong in tha past year.. thanks for being there for me when i needed u... u guys cried and laugh with me.. thats what true friends are for... love you guys.. thank you -

Kakak
Abg

- thanks for everything u have taught me in ma life n how to cherish it.... U both gave me a gift and that was wan... For introducing him to me and now he is ma life.... U both are like ma parents i never had and i ask for forgiveness in everything i did durin tha past yr... We have been thru alot together, Having u guys in ma life is prayer sent from above.. Love you.. thank you -

Rendy & Liyana
Pd
Jiggy
Wan (Bachang)
Fishan
Sofia
Mizie
Romano
Coco
Taq
Hafiz
Kecik
Lihin
Phaz

- Thanks for being ma friends for tha past year, will always remember u guys... Thanks for yr advise, listening ears, lame jokes... *harhar* Its been fun having u guys in ma life... thank you -

And of course not lastly.... You, Ikhwan

- You have been there for me eversince u came into ma life... No matter how i shouted at you for no reason or i did wrong to you.. You are still here with me by ma side... Forgiving me no matter what tha mistakes i've made which caused you pain, saddness and anger.... I jus love you.. Having u in ma life is not a regret at all... You have been there when i cry and laugh ma hearts out... Can't imagine myself without you... No silly self-invented games, no one to call me baby or say "i love you"... No one to irritate or make me laugh tha way you do... You gave me everything i needed and i dun want more... i jus want you...

I did lots of mistakes towards you during tha past year... I'm now telling you im sorry for everything i caused to make you cry... Your tha only one who cried for me when i did a mistake... Where can i find that in others.... Yr tha only one who taught me that life is more than what it seems right now... We have to work to get what we want...

I thank you for everything u have taught me... For loving me and caring me all these months.. Being with you now is already eternity.... Love you.. Thank you -

Happy new year...!!! CHEERZ!!

2004-12-30T15:01:00.000+08:00

Misunderstanding leading to confusions and misleading... Jus confront me?
Back to square one...? did i lie to u that much? i dun think so? do we qurral often? i dun think so? i think this is our very first major fight....

I dunno what to do or say.. i know u are mad at me... but seriously i dun even know what are u mad abt... i jus hope that u can jus confront me with everything yr not pleased abt me... who told u that i was a bad company who ditch ppl aside when they found sumone new... right till now im still with ma friends and yr jus not close with us anymore...

who said im ditchin u... i always wanted to be close to u... wanted to spent tha good old times again but i think its nva gonna happen... i jus hope u confront me with everything... im sorry saying like that to yr friends... im sorry but im jus so angry that you make yr friends think of me that way... am i really that way?? im still tha same zana u knew....

What did i do wrong? having me in yr life is a misery to both of you? What abt his family... why am i in tha picture when u knew all along that im trying not to get too close to their family yet???

Yes i was a bad person... i was a bitch dun care abt ppl feelings and all... but its guys... that was tha past...

u know how much i wanted sumone very close to me and its a lady.... ma friends who are close to me are guys... but i always wanted a lady companionship to be my bestfriend... sumone who jus understand ma situation... and i have found u...

Im not trying to make u a "bad person" over here... i jus wanna tell everyone how much i still need u and miss u... yah yah... you guys may say im desperate or everything.... yes i am... Coz to me, she is already like ma mum... it hurts alot when u lose a mum... i lov her so much that even she dunno that... how much tears i cry for her... no one knows except for wan...

u keep saying i have everything yah yah.. a man who loves me and all... so do u... I know u dun even give a heck abt our friendship anymore... i know

sorry to make yr life a misery coz having me in yr life is...

HAppY New YeArz!!! Cheerz...

2004-12-29T02:22:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes i dun get it.... why... Why am i treated like this... Becoz of some new people who came into their lives and ditching me aside?????

I cried and i said sorry... yes i lied.. but i was forgiven... but you jus said that you wanted to be happy... So having me in yr life means pain or arguments? I was sincere in ma apologly, but sum ppl who even laugh and joke abt it u jus forgave them without even giving a second thought.. Tha ones who gave u a bad name and made u had a fight with sumone close to u was given a second chance but not me?

I was there when u needed help and so do u.... i was there when we were so close... I was there and now you are jus ditching me aside like i'm sum rubbish... Think abt it... was it really ma fault or sumone's fault... Why are yr friend's blaming me and hating me when i nva even intend to cause any pain to u.... Why are yr friends thinking abt me that way and why do u let them do so..???

WHY WHY WHY???? Am i a person who makes everyone fight among themselve... yes i did make a stupid mistake... I cried and ask for yr forgiveness but i jus can't understand why u can forgive a person who wasn't even sincere in their apology then mine...

I JUS FEEL THAT I DUN KNOW U ANYMORE......

2004-12-28T07:17:00.000+08:00

ni lar layout baru i guess so...... still not sure abt tha layout lar.... still thinking sumthing is missing or sumthing... haizz.. entah lar kan.. comment sikit leh.. what should i add or what i shouldnt!!! anything PPL.. gip me sum ideas... ma brains are already jammed up.. no ideas cuming up...

what can i say... WE ROCK!!!!

2004-12-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

Oh Ma Gosh!!!! im working today and i totally forget all abt it till wan actually told me over tha phone... MATI2 ingat today is wednesday so ingat nak relax, wanna chill out at hm... sekali kerje ayoh!!!!!

Still working on ma new layout... jus hold on yia... har har... ayah dunno wat to say or do... ma hand is still very pain from tha workout i got palying sky hockey... hahaha it was so funny seh... buza n mb was like covering tha goal with their babat... me n kitkat was so fed up seh we shoot2 tak masok2!!!!

kakak called me and ajak gi lepak dgn her peepz at drive 6... Sowie kakak can't make it... i'm working later and ee kerje pagi... Ayah wanna gip her chrismas present lum kasi2 lagi... maybe this weekend or so k kak!!! i jus really miss her with our jokes that only we both understand.... *kawan kite tu*

k lar... i dunno what to type or tell already.. i jus woke up feeling so dizzy... receiving phone calls that made me work up so early n find it so hard to get back to sleep... semua psl nak buat rambut aiyoh...!!! dunno how come all these time all ma fwendz nak buat rambut... all tha old skool nye kawan seh... hakim bodoh... fitri jumaji.. dgn si MEOW tu!!! harhahrhahhaha!!!

k lar... jus too busy nak buat rambut n im working now babe!!! maybe one day when im not tired or working aightz.. missing ma wan alot seh... kecian i tgk dia kerje like that from day to night.. really miss him..!!!!

missing u

2004-12-19T16:06:00.000+08:00

Dale... Dale Don Dale!!!!

Well, everything has been settled so far... Well i guess abt me going to hrc without ee turned out to be a very "HUGE" matter.. It affected ppl who are very close to me and all... Once again SORRY for everything... really sorry..

I wanna apologise from tha bottom of ma heart... I'm so gald everything has been cleared and settled once and for all... No things have been kept in our hearts.. Wan n i talked till tha wee hours of tha morning... we have cleared everything out.. no secret no lies... im jus so gald

And i wanna apologise that if i have made anyone who are affected abt this HRC thingy.. i didnt meant it to be blown up this big...

Love u guys...!!! ESB forever!!! Sharing tha Caring!!!

Dale Dale don Dale!!!

Sorry to u

2004-12-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

After receiving an sms from u.. made me thought abt this... all these.... Crying ma hearts out and thinking abt you made me do this....

Im taking this opportunity to say this to her... this is an apology and an explaination of all these misunderstandings we have... thinking abt sending u a private email but i wanna to tell tha whole world how sorry i am... i dun wanna say who tha person is... only mention as "Bi2" the one reading this should know very well who u are... i jus read yr blog today... And i realise ma words tat i smsed ya that day might be kinda rude to u.... i was jus pissed off when you guys msged me and jus said that i was scared coz i nva replied yr msgs... as if im so scared abt sumthing.... first thing first... i didn't bring ma hp... u should asked me nicely instead of jus shooting at me jus like that.... and u said that i was scared... "takot ape!!! asal tak reply".. i mean if yr not in tha wrong & yr in ma shoes, u also bingit kan.... cam tak bersalah, jus came back hm tired n saw yr msg...

Now ma reasons...

I kept quiet and nva questioned ya becoz... u remembered that time abt bibik knowing me living at wan's place.... i asked ya whether did u tell or not? u got so pissed off saying if i trusted ya at tha first place..."you wouldn't ask".... and we ended up having a huge misunderstanding... so now i, without knowing what's tha "main story" and everything... i didnt wanna ask u anything cause kalau i ask... u will say i didnt trust u.. n seriously i tak nak masok campur.. coz eversince she broke up with him... u dah rpt with her... and i thought that u knew all along... then u found out that i knew abt this "belt" thingy and nva told ya... u got sooo pissed off and feel that i kinda betrayed ya... hid things from ya...

Seriously Bi2, i had no intention of asking u or telling coz it's non of ma business and i dun even know tha "main story" Afterall u were close with her after their relationship ended, so i got no clue to whose right or whose wrong... so tha better thing is to jus stay away... Cam i ask u dulu, u ckp i tak trust then now i tak ask u also marah... What should i do....??? All i can say is sorry.... sorry for not telling but i find it ridiculous as PSL HAL NI BYNK ORG INVOLVE COZ OF A FUCKING SMALL MATTER!!!!!!!! n can't u guys see how this is affecting others!!!

Second thing... abt me going to hrc without telling wan... Yes i did it and i admit it... I was wrong of asking u to keep it from wan... i was wrong to go with "her"... Im sorry to have made u and Bi1 almost break-up coz one was siding wan and another was siding me.... Im jus so sorry... i admitted it to wan.. and everything is already settled... I'm sorry...

this is tha most important part i wanna say and express maself towards you...

Bi2, I knew u way before i even knew dak2 that well and knew wan... Tha day we first met we talked cam dah we known each other for ages... I loved ya like ma sis, even like ma mum... U have replaced her in everyway... I treated u with respect and in every misunderstanding we have, no matter were u right or wrong i always gave in... If i needed helped i will always come to ya... and sumtimes u too... Sumtimes if u got a problem i didnt dare to be by yr side coz im scared that i may not be "mature enough" to solve yr problem coz yr life might be way complicated than mine... and u always kept it to yourself and yr blaming me for not being there for you if u got a problem... But whenever u fight with Bi1, i will always be tha one crying ma hearts out afraid that ma "mum" n "dad" will leave without saying goodbye...

But no matter what u did wrong... did i ever got mad at ya? On ma birthday, did you wish me a Happy Birthday.. Everyone did except ya on that day... till after afew days we celebrate ma birthday then u wished.... how did i feel? u always misunderstood me without asking me and u are always giving me tha cold shoulder..why do u always jump to conclusion without even clearing up with me first... you know how miserable i feel... i dun even know what's going on at least tell me... when we met we salam.. i even stood up to salam u but u jus ignored me.. dak2 laughed at me saying that i "paisey".. how does that feel... it felt so hurt... ask wan how many times i cried for you... i cried as if i lost a mother... i dun even cried for wan serabak sampai gitu... and im a person who seldom cries... but i was always tha one who said "sorry"

In tha past, we will ask for yr help if we're really in need so do u... remember how we stood by each other no matter what and how we solve each other problems... how we talked till tha wee hours in tha morning.. jokes, gossip, guys, galz.. lagi2 dgn kite per creative wear with flowers on tha head and big fluffy curtain dress.... tha time we played monopoly for two days straight... we went job-hunting and semagat gi studied about star-hub cable and max-online... *hahah* are u jus going to let that all go by.. i miss those days... i know you cannot be like last time anymore coz yr gonna be a "Mrs" u have more responsibility now... kene jage hati families, financial and everything... i know its gonna be tough...

Abt wan's parents n Bi1, we will talk... wan promised me to talk to you and tell you tha reason why... u will understand... i dun wanna post this part to everyone to see.... what i said to you is abt tha KL thingy... Its not tha reason why we're not so close with you and hang out with you anymore.... Dulu tgk arh kite... Me, wan and Bi1 tak kerje... of course we can meet almost everyday and that time pun i always stay at yr place.... then now semua dah kerje... and sumtimes durin tha weekends we did ajak u kluar... but u always pat umah bibik... and wan's not comfortable going to ppl's house... so we always kluar dgn dak2, coz they are always at town... pls understand tha situation... its a misunderstanding.... we never intented to avoid you and make you feel left out in anyway... I do call u once in awhile and we talked... remember we always said we are close but we never talk on tha phone asal tak tau ape nak berbual...

Life between me and ee is not always been perfect and having everything... I have ma own life now and so does he... Now his parents are not supporting him one single bit and so does mine... We pay for our own hp bills, his bike our daily allowance... we always ended up fighting on whose over spending or not... he works like more than 12 hrs a day and gets only abt 1000+ and me for a part-time i get less than 200... we have so many debts to pay and sumtimes its not even enough for a month's usage... problems arising one after another... his parents keep wanting us to get married tha pressure and all... We haven't even have our own savings.. Its so stressful, so sumtimes i dun even wanna call or sms you coz i surely tend to tell you ma problems like before.. and i dun wan that.. i wanna learn to solve it on ma own like you taught me too... wan's always so tired and all... so stressful coz his boss doesnt pay on time, delaying, making us like so damm desperate of money at times... we also dah tak club that much like we used to weekly... i jus wanna handle ma life like tha way you show me you handle yours....

Everyone makes mistake... so do me as a person, and u too... I think back eversince i'm attached with wan... tha things btwn me and you have changed so much till this state... u always say that i've been thinking abt maself so much and never cared for you... but what abt you, what u do affects me in everyway... Im not being selfish but jus think abt it... Im jus sorry for everything i've done to you... every single way... i always didn't dare to approach you coz im jus so scared of losing you... sumtimes i feel.. I'm with wan.. he is family too.. is it tha coz of our relationship failing.. or is it jus some misunderstanding going on after another... I love you so much that i can even say more than ma own dad or anyone esle... i dunno how to express myself infront of you all i can do is this... telling everyone how sorry i am... in whatever way i caused in anger or saddness....

Im jus so glad yr gonna be married soon... seeing you there.. being married to him.. you family accepting him at last after such a damm long time... i am so happy for you.. i know its gonna be tough in tha future but yr happy.. and that matters tha most... remember those nights when u hug his dirty smelly singlet and saying that you love and miss him so damm much padahal dia aru balik frm yr place... you saying that you cant believe that you love him so much.. tha way you get so mad when he did sumthing wrong... yg kite kene kacau dgn negro... * those times*

if u think im a betrayer, back stabber bitch, lier then jus think of me that way... but u know me better, if u knew i am like this.. i wouldnt be yr adek all these while... think abt it... and im sorry once again... sorry if ma words are harsh or anything...

I jus want ma new year with you to be a happy one.. forgiving each other in everyway and continue tha new year with smile and happiness, throwing tha bitterness away... Cheerz!!!

all i can say is sorry...

HIP HOP FEST SUCKz!!!!

2004-12-15T01:49:00.001+08:00

WEll, HIPHOP FEST SUCKZ.... EVERYONE it did!!!! WaSn't IT!!!!!!!! I went there to see ma Fwends who Practise so damm hard for that day, who didnt slept for nightz for that day, who were so excited on that day!!! WHAT THEY GET IN RETURN!!! SHIT!! A HUGE BIG PILE OF CRAP i must say!!!!!!!!

First thing first i was there with all ma new clothes, ma new shoes from head to toe... And what happened!!!?? i got fucking mud of ma new clothes which i really adore very much!!! then BFC, Trivalation, bratz sindikate all tak dpt perform... DAMM FUCKED UP ARH KORG THA ORGANSIZERZ!!!!!!!

Everyone was pissed off and so sad seh after hearing tha news... we were supposed to party after tha show u know... then last2 semua tak semagat and all went home after having late dinner at LAU PA SAT!!!!!! Me, wan, hafiz batista, jiggy and his gf gi lepak at BIG bird... harhar it was fun arh lepak dgn si batista wanna-be tu.... singing and all... bebual mepek.. and tha funny thing was jiggy almost fell into tha river... dia tu nak step nak bunuh diri dpn matair dia... "konon romantic lar" har har but instead he fell down tha stepz luckily tak masok river... *hahahah* i really had a damm great laugh sia....

haiz to think abt it eh... i jus when to hhf jus to dirty kan ma shoes... that was ma very first time i went to hhf... as i didnt all these years coz that time i was more to punkish and more ROCK babe...!!! har har maybe im turning back into ma past... again!!!

I dun wanna think abt that day or talk abt that day anymore... im so sick n disappointed abt what happened that day.. its like a weekend wasted...!!!! haizz... im so tired now jus got back from a full-shift day of work... PENAT

till ma next entry............

SHOPPING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

hey hey... jus came back from shopping... Ni case shopping GILER NYE!!! *EviL GrInz* WEll wan got his pay so we decided to do a "lil" shopping... First stop we went to sungei rd.. i bought some shoes.... 3 pair of $6!!! cheap right!!!! ok lar, like nyonya2.. Ha har!!! kate kan nyonya mah!!! but its very nice of course lar... HubBYkuz yg beli kan... *winkz* But kecian dia.. wanna find sum shades and shoes for him takde.... oh yah... on our way to sungei rd there is this person who bang us from tha back... coz there was another bike infront suddenly jam brake so we also jam brake lar!!!! tha bike behind as lak lambat respond terlangar kite... his friend was on another bike who wasnt in tha collision "wanked" at us as if we were tha one who cari pasal or we're tha one who banged his friend... MEPEK kan... that person happens to be one of ma friend's fwend!!! luckily tak pape terjadi... hubbykuz lak.. dia bingit.... OF COURSE LAR!!! SIAPE TAK!!!

Then we went to bugis to have our dinner, after that we went to find sum shades.. tat were really freackin cheap and nice... Other place damm Expensive sia!!!! Got wan's bracelet that he wanted and ma handbag... I jus bought tha hadnbag and nva ask wan seh... Muke sardine siak aku ni... but wan was like "ok ok" sowie!!!!! coz tha bag was sooo gogerous!!! went walking ard then was another bag that looks kinda same but only $10 bucks seh... but ok lar... mine's nicer *har har*

went to "edge" to buy wan's tee.. he wanted to buy tha white tee with green borders... kecian dia takde size for tha design he wanted.. but tha ones his size all design dia tak lawa!!!! so he bought another brown tee which really make him too damm sexy!!! he tried it on tha fitting rm.. he came out and showed it to me.. i was like "WOW yr HOT". Wanted to ask him go cut his hair at tha $10 dollar shop but he tak nak... takot tak lawa!!! bought ma top three for 29 buckz at EBASE.. its really a very nice shop.. sells like japanese style kinda clothing... first time buyin a top which is not too tight or too open... its jus nice... *wInkz*

went to town after that to see all ma peepz... lepak2 jap.. then go home lor... then here i am typing ma entry with wan beside me... Dia kan KPO!!! no lar he jus wanna check out ma new layout!! lawa tak? comment arh sikit.. Kamu pun!!! K lar... enjoy of telling abt ma day.. Guess u guys must be jealous *evil laugh* see i went shopping!!! ajak sophia tak gi gi.. alamak lu weak arh gf!!! im working tomorrow... so thats why today like lepas kan giyan of shopping so got sumthing nice to wear for tha HIH HOR FEAS!!! har har...

till ma next entry....

2004-12-09T02:19:00.000+08:00

Its our anniversay yesterday... Me and wan.. dah 7 months together... this has been tha longest relationship ever since i broke up with amin... Its been a long time since i loved someone so much that it havent faded away a single bit since tha day i met him...

I realise i have done alot of shit behind his back but all these while he still stood by ma side no matter what the situation is.... Haizz, gosh!!!! Why is it we always leave tha ones who stays with us and stay with tha ones who wants to leaves us??? Love is a complicated thing i guess... No one can tell tha defination of LOVE....

Been thru so much pain, anger, saddness, happiness and even being betrayed... Secrets we didnt knew abt each other blew up within of seconds causing us to wonder "is this person ma soulmate??" I used to be in love with every boyfriend i know... praising him here and there over ma blog...

Well now if ya notice i dun talk abt wan that much or say how much i love him over ma entries.. Im jus afraid that one day all tha crap im saying "oh i love him so much, hubby this and that" everything turns to history then telling tha whole world how sad i am and explaining ma heartache and everything esle... I've been thru all that and i dun wanna repeat tha same thing over and over again...

I'm jus happy tha way things are... and i'm so much in love with wan.. thats it... i dun care how ppl say how uncompetiable we are or how funny we looked together... i dun care.. It wasnt even a "love at first sight" we even didn't like each other... but see how fate bring us togther... im not thinkin abt marriage or anything at this moment... but jus i wanna be commited to him... 100%!!! Temptations and everything are coming into our lifes, we trying to bear all these things and push them aside...

Jus wanna say how sorry i am to u... how i lied... how i cheated and betrayed u in every way... everything i've done to u.. im jus so sorry... finally it all came to me... no matter what i did... u will always be there and be by ma side... i dun think anyone can bear so much pain and still be with that person.. i love u... Happy anniversary... *MuaXCkzz*

Tha PrIncXeSs is SiCk

2004-12-01T23:55:00.001+08:00

wei wei... harhar.... Im offically sick today.... i woke up abt 4+.... Had a blocked nose and a really bad headache.... Damm!!! Feeling so weak, as if i can jus faint anytime.... I hate being sick... Went to work with a boring face... Got a lot of customers today... Sumtimes so sick and fed-up of them asking such stupid and lame questions.... Like whats tha difference btwn this battery and another one... with facial wash is more branded... ALAMAK...!!!

Maybe becoz of ma flu makes me feel so fed up with everyone.... Well TAUFIK WON!!!! As i was on tha way home... i listened thru ma radio on tha HP... I heard his name i shouted at ma void deck... Dah lah ade cina mampos pat sebelah... I screamed with joy n it was so loud tat everyone looked at me.... *PAisey* HAHAHAH no respect for tha dead... *sorry*

Had chicken chop for dinner.. MA dad cooked for me... K lar... i had already taken ma medicine... feeling like ma head is gonna drop off any min now... Till Ma next entry...

2004-11-30T17:47:00.000+08:00

well... got ma pay today... thinking of what to do with tha money... should i go shopping or enjoy maself... *thinking thinking*.... any shopping kakis???? wanna go sungei rd with me.. wanna check out sum really cheap stuff... waiting for yuri's call and shameen's call... they supposely wanna go with me... but so far tak call... Haiz...

Wan is working late again i suppose... not working today.. will be working tha next three dayz... haizzz ok arh i requested that i wanna work more on tha weekdayz instead of the weekends... dunno whether im promoted to full-time tak.... *WOnderIngz*

been thinking alot lately with ma relationship with wan... yesh our relationship is a serious one but sumtimes he really gets on ma nerves.... thinking abt him and myself we're both different ppl but yet so in love with each other... he doesn't like tha way i do thingz and tha way i think and so do i... but why am i in love with him... *LoVE haVe Tha Answers*

*THinkIng* What to buy... where wanna go... I wanna SHOP, SHOP!!!! arhhhhhh

2004-11-28T16:49:00.000+08:00

hey... jus woken up... came back from town yesterday rather late... went to met yuri first... heheh it was sooo fun... i really miss that dude... when we first met after like 2 mths tak jumpe... kite cam eh WHoa eh kau dah change alot arh... in our sense of dressing... We're now like ROckStarz.. *hahahha*

like tha usual we kpo.... gossip2... hehhehehe it was jus so fun arh hanging out with him... met wan later in tha evenin as he was tired from work so i let him rest so thats why i met yuri first... wan bachang came back from malaysia... i miss him so mush... still dah same crazy him... went to far east to window shop abit... I've already have some things in mind wat i wanna buy when i have ma pay *winkz* SHOPPING TIME!!!!!

K arh im rather dizzy as i jus woken up.. till ma next entry see ya.. sum picz taken with ma best Bud...

Aren't we jus BeautiFul... HAHAHaa

2004-11-25T01:29:00.001+08:00

Jus got back from work abt 11 pluz.... went straight to watch friends wit wan and he went hm after that coz we're both damm tired... have been waking up early and sleeping late this few dayz... feeling very tired and weak arh.... Work was fun... i was doing some lame impressions of some artist who were labelled by sum slimming product... tryin to promote them to tha customer... HAHAHHA ma colleages were laughing their asses off... while tha customers gave us that "what'z wrong & are u crazy" STARE...

Woke up damm early today... gi buat rambut wan'z cuz.. i did braidz for her... only half head and i did some MAJOR Zek ZaK at tha bottom HaLf... wan's sista did her make up and she Turned out to be so beautiful.. looKz like tyra bankz with her braidz up but she is way too skinny... so i called her tyra bankz nye taik gigi.... *hahahahha*

Kinda proud of ma work done to her hair.. but so tired... went straight to work after that.. Wan sent me there... tomorrow i have to wake up early again despite im nt working as i have to go to ma workplace for another interview as im opting to go into full-time... I heard today that one of ma colleage siti, maybe she might transferred to another store if im accepted to work full-time... Ma manager kinda likes me alot.. so he choose me to stay instead of asking me to be transfered instead.... so siti yg kene transfer... i feel damm bad coz siti was tha one who interviewed me and choose me for tha part-time position.... and now she is being transfered coz of me.. and futhermore she has been working at ma workplace from tha day she started work.... so she may feel more closer to ma colleages and all... i felt like i betray her in sum way.. kept saying sorry to her but she kept saying its ok... but from her tone... it seems that she didnt like ma manager's decision.... i dunno arh... should i jus go ahead with tha offer or i jus continue to be what i am... having a full time job gives me and ee an easier time to save money rather then me being all dependent on his pay... we're saving up for our future... so it feels right... but i kinda feel its wrong...

2004-11-23T01:39:00.000+08:00

Jus got back from wan's sista place.... Helped his cuz to dye her hair as today is her last "O" level paper... so enjoy arh her... Dye copper brown with highlights... tha results were nice especially tha hair colour suits her tan skin but tha highlights abit tak lawa... As wan's sista and his cuz were rushing against time.. they wanted to shop for her clothes for prom night... so her highlights became... blondish brown like that....

oklar.. since she like it then i diam diam jek... she looked better with her hair colour change rather than her normal black hair.... tomorrow have to work morning shift.. ma mananger change tha schedule again... SO i'll be going to bed kinda early today.. *hahha* dunno whether i can sleep or not... force maself lar...

Till tommorrow NiGhtz...

2004-11-22T02:49:00.000+08:00

well... hmmm havent updated ma blog for a few days... where to start... on saturday went jln raye dgn budak2... it was fun.. had laughs and all... After all tha Jln raye, when to sempang bedok to makan... everyone was so hungry coz nva eaten tha whole day except for kueh... ma legs were aching coz i was wearing heels.. (tha only season of tha year u can see me in them!!!) talked alot of crap especially abt SECURITY!!! hahaha... when home abt 4am in tha morning... Me and wan didnt actually went back to ma place... i spend tha night at his place... eh dun think mcm2 eh his parents were home!!!!

Then as for today Jus got back from kitkat's house... ade open house and celebration of his birthday lar... HAppy BirthDay Bro!!! TooK really funny picz making faces and all... Really had a great time, tha food, everything... We took turns to have our so "called" passport photo done... comes to ma turn i made this very horrid lookin face.. everyone was like saying "eh wanna post in tha blog, on tha net".. now im worrying what if it rally happens what tha heck am i suppose to do seh.. wan didnt do anything.. jus sat there and laugh too like usual... so much of a protective bf... Havent got tha picz... wanna ask kitkat to send to me.... k lar... actually i malas nak type ma entry... k lar... picz below

Ape Ckp ni!!!!

Ma DarLing and his DarLing

Group Pic everyoNe!!!

2004-11-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

Kinda jus got back home... Went to see Wan.... I Love hIm so Dearly.... He makes me laugh.. he brought me some roti kirai which his mum cooked... Supposed to go to his place with his sista but i couldn't... Ma dad wasn't working so i had to stay at home... He's sick so he kinda have THA PMS of his... Eh sumtimes u guys also have u knoe.... get all sucky and moody for no reason.. like wan...

Thank god he finished his work early so we could spent sum time together... Made me play a stupid game called ta "kissing game", we have to close our eyes and try to kiss each other with our eyes closed... As i was closing ma eyes trying to figure out where tha heck his lips were... he said arh tak per arh its a stupid game anyway...!!!

He really made me look so silly... dgn semagat closing ma eyes with ma lips trying to kiss him... we laughed so much... Haiz....

Went home and edit somemore of ma blog... well i guess its done now... tryin to make tha backgrd white insteaad of black... wan says it looks better that way... trying to do it but sumthing wrong with tha servers or sumthing... keep hanging... damm it... cam malas nak buat... but so semagat to see tha result.. get what i mean...

anyway... im gonna chat with scorchy... think he needs ma company...toodies

Finally!!!

2004-11-17T21:15:00.000+08:00

Finally, ma blog.... Its ready... spent days figuring out what to do... seems too colourful for me though... but its got that retro2 look.... i'm really proud of it though... copyed some picture and edit tha colourings..... hmmm... maybe wanna edit abit more.... commen pls... still figuring out how to attach tha song.... aiyah... k tata... ya yah im bACK

2004-11-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

this is ma new blog..... sick of pitas... so difficult to find a template... lazy to do one too....